you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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