i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
