This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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