believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
