i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
