put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
