i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
