bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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