Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
