he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
