woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
