Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
