I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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