He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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