oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
