i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
