There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
