your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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