we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
