I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
