Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
