At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
