my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
