a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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