upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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