Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
