OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
