i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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