Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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