Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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