I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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