They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
