Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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