I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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