If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
