Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
