I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
