I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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