tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
