$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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