About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
