I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
