She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
