Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
