I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
