my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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