I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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