There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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