yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
