remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
