I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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