when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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