I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
