a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
