I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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