Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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