your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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